And the winner is ....................

The country held its collective breath in anticipation of our Great Leader's address to the nation. The clock moved relentlessly towards 8:30pm and suddenly, there he was in all his jelly-like glory. I can't remember much of what he said but I was left with the distinct impression that he thought he was at assembly, addressing his fellow pupils about some jolly jape or other. To say it lacked gravitas is something of an understatement and I was left wondering what the fuss was about.

Gary Gibbon, C4's political correspondent, did his best to make something of it but, again, I was left with the feeling that I had missed something which was meant to be important, but wasn't.

Then, after a brief ad-break Jamie Oliver took over and I was captivated. He came out of the gate storming, throwing together a few tasty recipes focussing on the sort of stuff that you might have tucked away in the larder. He understood the problem that we all face - we're stuck in the house hoping to avoid the grim reaper and Jamie stepped up and tried to help. He's a fucking chef for God's sake and he left a huge impression on me, heightened by the stark contrast with the total absence of anything constructive offered by the Prime Minister.

Jamie - 10/10
Boris - report to the headmaster.